Bush Walk Ratings

Now since I have been away I have been doing a bit of bush walking. This takes the place of my usual afternoon jaunts around the golf course at Muswellbrook (for which I am justly unknown for). Its much more stimulating than looking at the damage done to the greens by white cockatoos. What has been really interesting is the different ratings given to how hard a particular track is to walk. In NSW if its says you need 2 hours to walk it I have been doing in half that time. In Canberra it took about two thirds of the recommended time. In Victoria however they really mean it, if they say 2 hours they expect you take it at a jog and there wont be any dilly dallying about and stopping to look at the scenery thank you very much.

Fort Nepean Walk

What has been universal however is that all the tracks have a rating. They will either be easy, moderate, hard or some variation in between. Now nobody is going to say they can't do these tracks  because of the ratings, its too bruising to the ego (and lets be honest here its the male ego I'm talking about) What's easy for me might be a bit hard for an 80 year old on a walking frame. So what I am proposing is a more honest set of parameters be be used.


Here's what I think should be adopted by The Natonal parks and Wildlife people to help improve the customer experience. I have a six tier system in mind that reflects reality (although not in politically correct world).






Fat Slob - If you don't actually want to get out of the car and experience the great outdoors this is for you. You can do this from your car, preferably as a passenger.






Couch Potato - You get off the couch about 5 to 6 times a day to make meals and check the letterbox. This requires no more than 50 metres walking across a fully paved track that has no dips or hills. 







Sloth - You will go to the shops occasionally but only reluctantly. This track may go for up to 500 metres and have slight inclines and other annoying obstacles.

Can't Really be Bothered - You may actual get some exercise from this track. You know you should be getting more exercise so here's your big chance. It will be at least a kilometre long, the surface may be uneven and will almost definitely include at least one hill that will make you break a sweat.







Gym Junkie (But doesn't really know what he's doing) - This will be like a proper work out, unlike the purse carrying nancy boy stuff you do in the air conditioned comfort of your local gym. We all know you only go there to perve on the hot girls. It may go for up to 5 kilometres and hardly any of it will be flat or in the shade. 




Serious Shit - This is for people who actually know what they're talking about when it comes to exercise (no not you). Nobody actually knows how hard the track is because no one has ever actually done it. The listing is there for one purpose only and that's so they can bluff everyone to do an easier level. Should only be attempted if you are Bear Grylls or Steve Irwin and we all saw what happened to him (too soon?).


Anyway I think this system would be more honest and would help me and many others enormously. At least I wouldn't be setting out to do 7 kilometre walks with little more than my slippers on. Just some food (low carb and high protein of course) for thought.