I Have Graduated to The Rank of Shellback

In the dim dark past whenever a sailor crossed the equator for the first time they completed a hazing ritual whereby they were subject to a series of trials and tribulations. At the end of these trials the sailors were promoted from "polliwog" to "shellback". Let me explain.

When sailors first starting to experiencing the sites and sounds of a different hemisphere, normally having traveled from the north to south, a series of a unofficial protocols were developed whereby the polliwogs, who had yet to cross the equator were put to the test by the shellbacks, who had already undergone the rituals. The polliwogs were rounded up on the day of the crossing, marked as being such and allowed to torment the shellbacks until the time of the crossing. This was a poisoned chalice however as their time was about to come. 

At the appointed hour King Neptune would arrive, a sailor dressed with a trident, crown and long beard. He would be accompanied by his Queen, a polliwog dressed in drag who has won a recent beauty contest held just for the occasion. Also in attendance was Davy Jones as the adjudicator, the Royal Baby, usually the most portly shellback dressed in a nappy and featuring his protruding belly that would form part of the hazing yet to come. The party was also joined by the Royal Doctor giving out special "medicine", often a concoction of sea water, oil and rum or something equally as foul to all the polliwogs. Making up the last of the cast was the Royal Barber who would ceremoniously shave the polliwog as part of the proceedings, often a reverse Mohawk.. 

Once the scene is set the polliwogs are given absurd tasks to undertake such as crawling about in all fours in search of icebergs using coke bottles as binoculars. Other missions might be to slide down chutes over several decks filled with rotten garbage, Also forming part of the hazing was being dunked in tanks of seawater, symbolising your initiation into the ranks of shellbacks. They would also have to kiss the belly of the Royal Baby which had been suitably greased for the occasion. All of this was zealously overseen by the remaining shellbacks, who are dressed in mock pirate uniforms and ensuring none of the polliwogs miss out on their assigned tasks. 

Upon completion, the polliwogs are issued with a card showing the date, time, and longitude of their crossing and are promoted to the rank of shellback.

You may ask if I did all of this? Well the answer is of course no, I did absolutely nothing. I still got my equator crossing card however, they slid it under my door while I was sound asleep.