The Territory

I drove down the road to Tennant Creek today, what a town. At least I didn't get an armed police welcoming committee here so that was refreshing. The local cop was happily pulling over anyone breaking the town speed limit however. He could have put himself to better use patrolling the highway. They drive like maniacs here, it's as if their life depends on it, I know mine certainly did. 

There aren't a lot of overtaking lanes on the highways here. So if you get stuck behind a road train or heaven forbid a caravan (or the ultimate tragedy a group of caravans) it can be hard to pass them. 

Just as an aside I think I need to come up with a name for a group of caravans. Like you would have a flock of birds or a herd of cattle. We could have a "park of caravans" or a "convoy of caravans" but that doesn't really encapsulate their intrinsic nature. Maybe a "horror of caravans" or an "arrogance of caravans". I am however leaning towards a "pestilence of caravans". They are like a plague, they burn and pillage everywhere they go, they have total disregard for all but themselves, they are so tight it would take a army tank to loosen their wallet and they will be representing Australia at the London Olympics in the demonstration sport of complaining. Oh and their caravans are so big and overweight and their four wheel drives so optioned out that they can't even manage highway speeds (say 100 kph) on a flat stretch or road. I urinate on their couplings and mock their mint conditions 4WD's ruthlessly.

Anyway back to my story of nearly being killed (multiple times) on Northern Territory roads. The first occasion occurred as I was coming around a sweeping corner doing the speed limit (130 kph) to find one caravanner trying to overtake another caravanner. I had no option but to bleed off speed to about 80 kph and jump on to the gravel verge to avoid a head on collision. I mean what kind of moron tries to overtake on a blind corner in an over weight and under powered vehicle. This is not a trick question, but there is only correct answer..... a caravanner!!!!!!!!! 

My next brush with death occurred on a straight stretch of divided road. There were two lanes going in each direction with about 5 metres of medium strip separating the different directions. Again I was doing the speed limit of 130 kph. Another Einstein with a caravan wanted to turn right on to the highway and pulled out into the medium strip divide with his 4WD, leaving his caravan blocking two lanes of highway while he waited for a break in the traffic. This left me with no option but to speed up and cut the guy to the left of me off as we both slowed and used the edge of the road to avoid a significant collision. 

I know these people are driving in a place where the capital is Darwin but natural selection has failed in this case. I can't understand how they are still alive. I am going to see if I can find some statistics on accidents involving caravans. It will be interesting to see if my anecdotal observations are borne out with some hard numbers. They make up the bulk of the traffic here. There are so many of them I am sure they have found a way to mate and reproduce. God knows what goes on in those caravan parks. I bet it is a hotbed of debauchery and lust and nine months after they have coupled they give birth to a camper van or something like that. It needs further investigation. 

Anyway I arrived safely in Tennant Creek. I can't really find anything nice to say about the place except that I am looking forward to leaving it. I arrived at about 4.00pm and went for a walk up and down the main street. Every building on the street if it's still in use has bars on the windows and doors. If it's fallen into disuse then it is till covered in bars but vandals have managed to smash everything anyway. The only building I saw that had no bars was the ANZ bank, figure that one out? I called in to a take away food shop for a coffee. I was misled into believing that they served it by the fact that a. they were open, b. they had a sign saying that coffee was available and c. there was an espresso machine behind the counter. All that being the same they were still unable to provide me with my drug of choice. However the three bottleshops were doing a roaring trade, I may have to change drugs. Everything looks like it is going to rack and ruin, the only building under construction in the town is the new police station (clearly the boom business in this neck of the woods). 

Oh well its off to Alice Spring tomorrow just over 500 kilometres down the road. I am checking out the Devil's Marbles on the way so I should there in time for a late lunch.